I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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