This girl is more easily done than said...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
