call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
