There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
