I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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