thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
