haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I met the friendliest cop last night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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