Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
