Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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