Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
