Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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