don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
