You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
