Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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