I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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