If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
