I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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