I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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