I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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