I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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