Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
