I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You took a bar mat shot.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
