I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
