my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
