He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
