this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
