I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
