why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
