had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
