Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize