Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
