Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
