I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
