So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I enjoy the company of your penis
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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