Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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