I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
