o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
