I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
