I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
