Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
