remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
