Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
