What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
