I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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