talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
