you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
