called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
