Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I didn't shave. On purpose
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
