THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
