DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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