I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
